* The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

     * People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish,
and what bait was used to catch 'em.

     * The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering."
Then five guys and two women stand up.

     * Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

     * A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because
"It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

     * The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

     * In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

     * Baptism is referred to as "branding".

     * There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

     * Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

     * High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

     * People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

     * The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

     * The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from)
Billy Bob's Barbecue.

     * The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

     * And of course... if the pastor has fewer teeth than Leon Spinks!