What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

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What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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Why does a man have a hole in his penis?
To get some air to his brain.

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What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

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Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

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What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

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How can you tell when a man's had an orgasm?
From the snoring.

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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

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Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.

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What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.

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What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
You push it aside and keep on eating!

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How did the tugboat get AIDs?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.

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A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

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What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
Depends...

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Define "Egghead:"
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!

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What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.

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What two words will clear out a men's restroom?
"Nice Dick!"

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What's the definition of eternity?
4 blondes at a 4-way stop intersection.

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How do you know if a guy has a high sperm count?
His girlfriend has to chew before swallowing!

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What's the definition of indefinitely?
When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in....definitely!

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Mom's have Mother's Day,
Father's have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.

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What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitute meat.

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Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

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What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's going!

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What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

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How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.

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What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

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How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard.