Ethel is a bit of a speed demon in her wheelchair. She loves to charge around the Nursing home at top speed, taking corners on one wheel, and really flying down the long corridors. Because she and her fellow residents are one sandwich short of a picnic, they all tolerate each other - some of the men actually join in with Ethel's games. One day, Ethel was zooming down a corridor when a door opened, and Mad Mike stepped out of his room with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her pockets and pulled out a KitKat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away she sped.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird William popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Where's your proof of insurance?" Again, she rummaged around, this time pulling out a beer coaster. She showed it to him. William nodded and said, "Very good. Carry on, Ma'am."

Ethel was on the last lap of the floor when Bonkers Brian jumped in front of her - stark naked, holding a sizeable (for an old guy) erection in his hand.

"Oh no," said Ethel. "Not the Breathalyzer again!!"