The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On
the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
the living room floor is fun too....you can really
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
But if we try several different positions and I shoot
six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with
"My, my, that's a lot of ..! ! ." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
"This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
to get the job done right. People were crowding around
and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three
hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness
approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
on your um...equipment ?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set
my tripod so that we can get to work"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold very long.
..Good Lord, she's fainted!!"