The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and
decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On
the day
the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife
and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
made
a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
in
and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes
the living room floor is fun too....you can really
spread
out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
for
Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot
from
six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with
the
results."
"My, my, that's a lot of ..! ! ." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The
photographer
opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when
you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four
and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three
hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness
approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
packed it
all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
chewed
on your um...equipment ?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set
up
my tripod so that we can get to work"
"Tripod??
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam?
Madam?...
..Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
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