Even Racoons Know Where To Find The Best In E-mail Humor


Dear Microsoft Customer:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Deep South edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped to the northern USA. If you have one of the Deep South editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Deep South edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs. Some name changes exclusive to winders:
98 Word processor = tiperiter
Graphics viewer = colorin book
Graphics file = pichers
Calculator = addin mershene
Notepad = scratch paper
CD Player = juke-box
Internet Explorer = coondog
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = nosir
yes = yess'm
no = naaaa
error = a fine mess
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
please wait = fixin to do sumthin
back = back yonder
help = hep
start = crank it up
shut down = ternit off
settings = sittins
programs = stuff at does stuff
documents = stuff I done done
Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Contents of My Documents:

National Rifle Association mailing list; Remington Arms price list; Winchester price list; Smith & Wesson price list; Ford&Chevrolet dealers in GA by zip; Mobile home repair service by telephone number; Kmart locations by address and telephone number; family information (a 3 gig file); cuzzins I have slept with (see family tree); list of Bud dealers by zip code; NASCAR racing schedule; TV fishin show schedule; family dentist (empty file); family doctor (see listing for family vet).

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Deep South edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.