Inferior Chinese Products
Topic: Ethnic
A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men
have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"



His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and
repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup
that in spite of everything, we survive.



For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake,
because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.


Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies
of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the
life force of our people.


It's very simple and easy to understand.


Do you have any other questions,
Little Broken Condom
Made in China?"

Overabundance
Mood:  party time!
Topic: Ethnic
A Mexican drinks his Tequila and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces while it is still in
the
air. He says "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to
drink from the same one twice. Viva Mexico!"
An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his AK 47 and shoots the glass to pieces
while it is still in the air. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to
make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either! Praise Allah!"
A US Marine, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Budweiser and drinks it,
throws his bottle into the air, pulls out his M-9 Beretta and shoots the
Mexican and the Iraqi. He says "In America we have so many Mexicans and
Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice. God Bless the
USA!"

Submitted By Robert R. Roberts

The Bacon Tree
Topic: Ethnic
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death they are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We'ees in the desert, don't forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that... Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down is his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees eet?"

"Pepe... ees not a bacon tree... ees a Ham Bush!"

Irish Tradition
Mood:  lucky
Topic: Ethnic
Once not to long ago in Ireland there lived a family made up of a mother, father, and 3 boys. The family lived on a farm and all of them were big, husky people. All that is except the youngest boy, who was small and skinny.
Days past and turned into years and the father fell sick one day. Things turned worse and worse yet, until one day soon he was laying on his death bed.

Now it's an old Irish tradition to ask one question, anything at all, on your death bed, and it must be answered. So with all of his family round him he mustered up the strength to call his wife to him. She leaned down so as she could hear his faint voice.

'I'm goin' ta ask ye a qeustion,' he said to his wife. 'Alright, ask me what ye will, and answer ye true shall I,' she said, holding his feeble hand.

The man took in a deep breath and motioned as he spoke, 'The boy there on the end of the bed, the skinny one.... is he mine?'

The mother sat looking at the skinny, feeble boy for a moment, then turned back to her dying husband and said, 'Yeah, he's yours and for sure he is.'

And with that the old Irishman died.

The mother folded his hands across his dead body, stood up, looked at her sons, and said, 'I'm glad he didn't ask about ye other two!'

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY !!!!

Lickety Split
Topic: Ethnic
The businesswoman, in town for an important meeting, checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags.

Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she telephoned the desk and asked the hotel's valet service to pick it up for pressing.

Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded at the door, and there stood an elderly Chinaman, waiting.

Impressed by the fast service, the career woman exclaimed, "My, you come lickety-split!"

"No, ma'am," replied the elderly Chinaman. "Come to get laundry."

Lickety Split
Topic: Ethnic
An old Italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and asks, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband. So the Italian woman goes to ask another saleswoman: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

"No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and asks, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers, "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers, "No no no, that's not-a my Tony. He pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts...but he no lickety split!"

That's Nacho Cheese !!!!!
Topic: Ethnic
A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed to be paved with gold. But the husband can find no work. His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..."

Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the top of the hill, who is struggling with a broken grocery sack and loses a wheel of his cheese. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, the large wheel of cheddar cheese from the Black man's grocery bag rolls down the hill and lands at the Mexican's feet! "Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.

"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" She inquires.

"No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message...As I ran home, I kept hearing a voice from Him yelling, 'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
Submitted By Paul Bleich

Cajun Job Interview
Topic: Ethnic
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a little math test ...

"Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to
draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Cajun.


"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture
that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree,
and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire
this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but
represent the number 100."

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture
again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you
go.
One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!" (Thought you'd like this one)

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each
tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you
got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd,
which makes one hundred.....So, when I start?!"

Italian Ingenuity
Topic: Ethnic
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians."

The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire."

..and so on and so on ...and then the Greek says: "We invented sex."

The Italian says, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women...

Mexican Jews
Topic: Ethnic
Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in Mexico?" I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" "I don't know senor, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, senor," the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Senor, no Mexican Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews." "Senor, I ask everyone," the waiter replied, exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"

Submitted By Paul Bleich