Many Thanks To Bill And Hillary
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Hillary Clinton
Bill & Hillary:
Worse than you thought & worth remembering & this came from a Democrat

Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton:

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until he was a little older to discuss it with him, but now he knows more about it than I did as a senior in college.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one does NOT have sex.

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.

7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.

9 Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars (I really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned tax dollars) for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you, the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.

10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society. (Not to mention the scores you pardoned while Governor of Arkansas)

11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received fro m your "friends."

12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight ( China , silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!

13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay!

14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners". However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center . This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth?

What a guy!!

If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these facts, pass this on. God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.

SINCERELY,
A US Citizen
PS.
Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing" the Internet, without which I would not be able to send this wonderful, factual e-mail.

AND THE REST OF THE STORY Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under the "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets reelected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. (Would it not be nice if all Americans were pension eligible after only 4 years?)

If Bill outlives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting h is Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary outlives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that?

WE DO!

It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua , New York . Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.

Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.

The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is just about equal to their mortgage payment. This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clintons' salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff -- and, this is all perfectly legal!

When she runs for President, will you vote for her?

Submitted By Paul Bleich

Hillary Jokes Abound !!!!!
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic
athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an
astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go
into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this
story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't
do anything else." --Jay Leno


"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in
2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see
what it's like to sleep in the president's bed."
--Jay Leno

"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected
president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he
makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
--Jay Leno



"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all
ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton 's former business partners
can vote for her in 2008."
--Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her
personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with
an intern."
Craig Kilborn


In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it
was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and
living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the
trouble starts."
Jay Leno


"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York announced that she has
no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United
States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed .
There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family."
David Letterman


"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new
home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host
at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same."
Jay Leno


"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his
campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a
promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night
on the couch."
Craig Kilborn


"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America.
Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because
she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
Jay Leno


"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great stat e of New York.
When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible . . . the one with
only seven commandments."
- -David Letterman

 Submitted By Paul Bleich

High Tech Restaurant
Topic: Hillary Clinton
A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel.
As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D' was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and said, "Sir, there is a one hour wait.
And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, If you
please."

Intrigued, the man said, "OK."

The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered, "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, Interstellar
space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc . .

The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, But thought he would try a different tack.

The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?" This time the man answered,
"Oh, about 100".

So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball
scores, and what to expect the Red Sox to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.

Again the robot asked the question, "What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out, " Uh.....'bout 50."

The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"Are... your...people...going...to...nominate...Hillary?"

Unhealthy Jogging
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton started jogging near his
new home in Chappaqua.

But on each run he happened to jog
past a hooker standing on the same
street corner, day after day.

 

With some apprehension he would brace
himself as he approached her for what
was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry
out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!"
fired back Clinton .

This ritual between Bill and the
hooker continued for days.

He'd run by and she'd yell,
"Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back,
"Five dollars!"

One day however,
Hillary decided that she
wanted to accompany her
husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the problematic
street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would
bark her $50 offer and Hillary would
wonder what he'd really
been doing on all his past outings.

He realized he should have a
damn good explanation
for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would
take them past the corner,

Bill became even more apprehensive
than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes
as she watched the pair jog past.

Then,

from the sidewalk,

the hooker yelled...

      See what you get for five bucks!"

 

Submitted By Paul Bleich

Nixon's Disease
Topic: Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton goes to a new doctor in Washington for an examination and he discovers that she has crabs.

He thinks to himself 'How am I going to tell the
1st lady that she has crabs?'

After the exam he tells her to get dressed and
meet him back in his office.

Once there he proceeds to tell her that she has a
very unusual condition.

She is quite concerned and asks him what it is.

He
responds that she is suffering from Nixon's Disease.

She says "What?"

He again responds, "Nixon's Disease."

She says, "Level with me doc, what does it mean?"

He responds, "Well Mrs. Clinton, to put it very bluntly, you've got bugs in your oval office."

Senator Walking Eagle
Topic: Hillary Clinton
Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of The American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living should she one day become the first female president.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator, and how she had Voted "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.

Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers."

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name: "Walking Eagle." The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit, it can no longer fly.

 

Submitted By Phyllis Lamb