Cajun Honeymoon
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: Ethnic

Boudreaux, out in his pasture in south Louisiana, takes a
lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he
could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said 'How bad is it Doc? . . . I'm going on my
honeymoon next week and my finance, Bertha, is still a
virgin - in every vay.'

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willy
in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should
be okay next week.'

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4
sided splint, and taped it all together . . . Quite an
impressive work of art and engineering.

Boudreaux mentions none of this to Bertha, marries her,
and they go on their honeymoon to Ville Platte.

That night in the motel room, Bertha slowly open her
blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.

She said, 'You're da first, nobody has EVER seen
deez.'

Boudreaux immediately drops his pants and replies,

'Look at dis, Bertha............still in DA CRATE!'

 

Submitted By Paul Bleich

The Irish Prostitute
Mood:  lucky
Topic: Ethnic
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her. 'Where have ye
been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even
a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye
put yer old mum thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....dad. ...I
became a prostitute....'

'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You're a disgrace to this family.'

'OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this
luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion
plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little
brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked
outside plus a membership in the country
club . (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye
all to spend New Years Eve on board me new yacht in the
Riviera, and....'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says dad.

Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff ... a prostitute dad!
Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl,

I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!'

Irish Coffee
Mood:  lucky
Topic: Ethnic
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to seek his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra? Asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Soluble Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible doctor!."

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor?"

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulgin' fiercely!

With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flyin', ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the table-top! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute feckin' nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 50 years of marriage! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll niver be able to show me face in Starbucks again."

 

Hindu Women
Topic: Ethnic

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads.

We have always naively thought that it had something to do with
their Religion.

The Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C.. has recently revealed the
truth behind the spot

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.

On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the spot to see whether he
has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, or a motel in
the United States.

If not, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical
advice for Dell.

Submitted By Mindy Thackrah

One Night With A Frenchman
Topic: Ethnic
A Frenchman, an Irishman, an Englishman and an American named Daryl went to Labor day in New York.



To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.



They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take

turns.



The Irishman slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.



They said, "Man, what happened to you?"



He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."



The next night it was the Englishman's turn.



In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.



They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"



He said, "Man, that Daryl! He shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was the Frenchman's turn.



Francois was a big burly wrestler. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed.



"Good morning," he said.



They couldn't believe it!



They said, "Man, what happened?"



He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night.



He sat up and watched me all night long."

Towel Boy
Topic: Ethnic
An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that she had never climaxed during sex and by birthright, all Jewish women are entitled to at least one climax during sex.

So they went to see the rabbi. The rabbi tells them to get a strong, virile young man to wave a towel over them while they are having sex. This, the rabbi says, will cause the woman to climax, so the couple tries it. After several attempts, still no climax.

They go back to the rabbi. The rabbi says for the bride to change partners and have the virile young man have sex with her and have the husband wave the towel. They try it that night and the young woman goes into wild, screaming earsplitting climaxes, one after the other.

When it is over, the husband smugly looks down at the young man and says, "You see, schmuck, THAT's how you wave a towel!"

Give Peace Pipe A Chance!!!
Topic: Ethnic
Old Indian, standing on the corner. Good-lookin' woman passes by, on the way to work. The Indian raises his hand in greeting, and says, "Chance!"
The same happens several days in a row. Woman walks past, The Indian raises his hand, and says, "Chance!"

Finally, one day, she can't ignore it any longer, stops, and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?"

He nods.

She says, "I always thought Indians said 'How!' as a greeting."

Indian says, "Already know 'how'. Just want 'chance'."

Fluctuations
Topic: Ethnic
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I chose the shortest line . just one guy in front of me. He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he

was a little agitated. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?" The teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

Submitted By Sheryl Barras

Why Leroy Is Still In The 8th Grade
Topic: Ethnic
Some old, some new ebonic words. Leroy is a 20 year-old 8th grader in Houston, TX. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.
1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel."
9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and he took me to the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you break.
12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say "fortify."
14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word:

Today's word is: "OMELETTE" Let us use it in a sentence: "I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide.--------

Submitted By Mindy Thackrah

Ryan's Bar
Mood:  suave
Topic: Ethnic
An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional. "But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs back home.

Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough to drink they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims. He swears every word is true. "Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you."

"Not myself personally no" said the Irishman, "But it did happened to my sister."