Watch, With Little Johnny
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.

"Nope." replied Jimmy.

"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".

Again Jimmy says "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny.

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

 

Little Johnny's Example
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
Miss Adams was explaining multi-syllable words to her third-grade class. "You all know single-syllable words like hand, foot, house, and dog, but some words are made up of more than one syllable," she said. "Now who can give me an example of a word made up of MORE than one syllable."

Little Johnny raised his hand eagerly.

"All right, Johnny, go ahead," smiled Miss Adams.

"Autoeroticism," beamed little Johnny.

"My goodness, Johnny, that's a mouthful," marveled Miss Adams.

"No, Miss Adams, that's masturbation," explained Johnny. "You're thinking of a blowjob."

Guess What!
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place an object behind her and describe it.

The first person to get it got a piece of candy. First she said, "The object is red and grows on trees."

A kid raised his hand and said "an apple" the teacher said correct.

Then she said, "The object is flat and comes in different colors" a different kid raises his hand and said it is a notebook!

The teacher said correct.

Then Johnny said, "ooh! ooh! Can I try?"

The teacher said yes.

He stood up and put his hand in his pocket. He said "The object is round, hard, and has a head on it."

The teacher said "JOHNNY! GO TO THE OFFICE!!"

Johnny said, "No it's a quarter!"

Little Johnny's Balloon Madness
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the
house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to
break something. The boy continues. "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off.

You're going to break something." He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a
short trip to the shopping center.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it
lands in the toilet. Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets
the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and
SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe
what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the
toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the
situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees
and takes a long, hard look at the thing.

Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be
and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the
first time I've ever actually seen a fart !"

Submitted By Paul Bleich

Wishful Rubbing
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning:

"Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"

Thinking Is Dangerous For Little Johnny
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Mom and Dads for the night.
In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school,
he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies,"Never mind what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
"Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies,"Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, he comes home and asks,
"Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"
He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline
and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Submitted By Phyllis Lamb

Every Need Fullfilled
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes

A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.
She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping.

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm.

Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything."

"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything."

"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."

"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.

"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all we needed."

Little Johnny's Take On Grammar
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful Banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, she reluctantly called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just f*cking beautiful!"

Submitted By Sheryl Barras

Little Johnny Says A Mouthful
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl*wjob."

Submitted By Sheryl Barras

Little Johnny's Take On Arithmatic
Topic: Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks his father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Johnny.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f*cking difference? " asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

Submitted By Sheryl Barras