Many Thanks To Bill And Hillary
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Bill Clinton
Bill & Hillary:
Worse than you thought & worth remembering & this came from a Democrat

Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton:

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:

1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?

2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until he was a little older to discuss it with him, but now he knows more about it than I did as a senior in college.

3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one does NOT have sex.

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.

6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.

7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.

8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.

9 Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars (I really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned tax dollars) for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you, the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.

10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society. (Not to mention the scores you pardoned while Governor of Arkansas)

11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received fro m your "friends."

12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight ( China , silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!

13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay!

14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners". However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center . This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth?

What a guy!!

If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these facts, pass this on. God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.

SINCERELY,
A US Citizen
PS.
Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing" the Internet, without which I would not be able to send this wonderful, factual e-mail.

AND THE REST OF THE STORY Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under the "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets reelected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. (Would it not be nice if all Americans were pension eligible after only 4 years?)

If Bill outlives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting h is Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary outlives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that?

WE DO!

It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua , New York . Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.

Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.

The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is just about equal to their mortgage payment. This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clintons' salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff -- and, this is all perfectly legal!

When she runs for President, will you vote for her?

Submitted By Paul Bleich

(NOTE: This was posted twice so that it will show up under the Topic "Hillary Clinton" as well as Topic "Bill Clinton", as this information must get out there as to further the effectiveness of Sean Hannity's "Stop Hillary Express". )

           Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled, The Garbage Humor Man.

 

Clinton Trade Agreement
Topic: Bill Clinton
When Bill Clinton was President, he got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The
Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"Nice pigs, sir". The president replied, "These are
not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs.
I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and
replied, "Nice trade, sir."

Golden Urinal
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Bill Clinton
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a fancy solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think " he said, "when I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that self-induligible!"

Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone.

Party Lines
Mood:  happy
Topic: Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies.

"Buy a puppy Ma'am?" asks the lad.

"Oh no sorry," says Mrs. Clinton. " We have a cat already you know."

"But they are Democrat puppies, Ma'am" asserts the enterprising lad.

Clinton smiles, but again declines. The boy nods, Clinton jogs on.

The next day Clinton is jogging by the same spot. There again is the boy still trying to sell the puppies. As Clinton jogs by she over hears the youth telling the potential customer, "But sir these are Republican puppies."

Clinton stops & says "Young man yesterday you told me those were Democrat puppies, and today you are saying they are Republican puppies"

"Well Yes Ma'am," the child says.

Hillary then asks " well, if they were Democrat puppies yesterday, how could they be Republican puppies today"?

" Well Ma'am, " explains the child. " Since then they opened their eyes."

The Most Powerful Woman Ever ?
Mood:  happy
Topic: Bill Clinton
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."

God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."

God thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son.

Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

First Pitch
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Bill Clinton
Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. First, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent said, "Mr President, it was a request from the home team”everybody from the owner down to the bat boy." (What really gets Bill going is when the agent tells him the fans would love it!)

So Bill just shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the people want." Then Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, hoists her over the wall and drops her onto the playing field.

She scrambles up kicking, swearing, screaming, and the crowd goes wild. They're cheering, applauding, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says, "Hey, you were right, I would have never believed that!"

Then noticing the agent has gone totally ashen. Bill asks the agent: What's wrong?

As soon as he could speak, the stricken agent stammered: "Sir, I said: "They want you to throw out the first PITCH."

For The Good Of The Country
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Bill Clinton
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Random Information From The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Bill Clinton
What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?

When Hillary is out of town.

****************************************************
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President.

"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?"

"Just go ahead and pay it."

****************************************************
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.
" Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.

****************************************************
An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?

1% said, "No"
2% said, "Yes"
97% said, "Never Again"

****************************************************
Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?

O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a hooker, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!

****************************************************
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?

She wants to be the first lady.

****************************************************
I decided to take a day off from work and go golfing. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, ''Ribbit. Nine iron.''

That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a nine iron, and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazing! So I picked up the frog and headed to the fifth hole. I asked the frog what club to used and it said, ''Ribbit. Three wood.'' I used that club and sunk another hole-in-one! I continued an amazing round of golf. At the end, I asked the frog where we should go next. ''Ribbit. Vegas.''

So we went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. ''Ribbit. Roulette.''

So we went up to the roulette table, and I asked the frog how much I should wager. ''Ribbit. Three thousand dollars.''

It was a lot of money, but I ponied up anyway. Needless to say, I won big! I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. Once we were up there, I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. ''Ribbit. Kiss me.''

I figured, what the hell, it's just a frog. So I kissed the frog, and it turned into a 16-year old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, and if I'm lying, my name's not William Jefferson Clinton.