An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman.

"You lucky bastard, was she pretty?"

"Dunno...I Never found the head!"

Submitted By Robert R. Roberts

trashed by the garbage humor man at 6:45 PM EDT

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Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.

"I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white 'Vet."

As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon."

Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two.

"Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist... and I have a brown Probe."

trashed by the garbage humor man at 9:24 PM EST

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