DiaryOf A Hunter's Wife And Diary Of A Hunter
Topic: Marriage
HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but
he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested
that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't
say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked
him
if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that
it
had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way
home,
I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I
can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love
you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely,
as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there
quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15
minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my
caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted,
and
his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't
know
what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:

Missed a really big deer today, but at least I got laid.

Submitted By Paul Bleich

The Jerky Boys
Topic: Marriage
Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ.

He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"

 

Horsin' Around
Topic: Marriage

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning,
peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind
him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge
frying pan.

MAN: "What was that for?"

WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket
with the name Marylou written on it?"

MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the
horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses
I bet on."

The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to
kitchen to return the pan.

Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair
reading and WHACK!

MAN: "What the hell was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse phoned."

Submitted By Robert R. Roberts

Shake Your Tail Feather!!
Topic: Marriage

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.

He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.

He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband,
"You need a piece of tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

American Sign Language
Topic: Marriage
Two deaf people get married.
During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom
when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some
simple signals?
For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me,
reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,
"Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME,
reach over and pull on my penis one time.
If you don't want to have sex,
reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"

Typewriter
Topic: Marriage

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Hooking Up
Topic: Marriage
Ole was walking home late at night and he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty dollars," she whispers.

He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides, what the hell, it's only twenty bucks.

So they hide in the bushes.

They're going "at it" for a few minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. . it's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife ," Ole answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."

"Well," Ole says, "neither did I, until you shined dat der light in her face."

Submitted By Mindy Thackrah

Free Rifle Scope
Topic: Marriage

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill".

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk.

"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house", the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off".

The man takes another look through the scope, and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

Swapping
Topic: Marriage
Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine and fairly predictable, don't you ever get tired of your wife?"

"I know exactly what you mean, I wonder if our wives will consent to swapping."

Much to their amazement the women consented to the arrangement. Early the next morning the husbands compared notes. "How was it?"

"Wonderful, I haven't had this much fun in ages!"

"Me, too. Now let's go see how the ladies made out."

Finally!!!
Topic: Marriage
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he has ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."